Share
Go down
avatar
Posts : 369
Join date : 2016-11-10
View user profile

GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Tue Sep 25, 2018 4:55 pm
half past one in the - morning man and wife in bed - doorbell rings...

man looks out the window sees man at front door...WHAT THE HELL DO WANT AT HALF PAST ONE?

man replies..CAN YOU GIVE ME A PUSH?

GET BLOODY LOST!

wife says - remember we were stuck and someone came to our assistance - you should help the poor man!

man gets dressing gown, goes downstairs, opens the door and says...

DO YOU STILL NEED A PUSH?

YES PLEASE!

WHERE EXACTLY ARE YOU?

OVER HERE ON YOUR SWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

VFC
avatar
Posts : 720
Join date : 2016-11-10
Location : Switzerland
View user profile

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Tue Sep 25, 2018 5:54 pm


Once I was really was walking around at 1 am in the night. Some guy stuck his head out the window and said what do you want.. going to steal my car.. no I'm just walking along the road at half past one in the morning. yeah I should have asked for a push... hehe




avatar
Admin
Posts : 863
Join date : 2016-11-09
Age : 45
Location : at home
View user profile

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Wed Sep 26, 2018 7:27 am
Mad Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
avatar
Posts : 849
Join date : 2016-11-10
Location : More North than Crix, less North than Norway
View user profile

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Thu Sep 27, 2018 1:36 pm
Tonto & Lone Ranger out on the range and Lone Ranger needed a pee, so he went behind a bush.

All of a sudden, Tonto hears a blood curdling scream & runs to the bush to see the Lone Ranger lying holding his willy, which was bleeding from two tiny puncture wounds, and the Lone Ranger is weeping in pain.

Tonto asks, "What happened Kimosabe?"

"Snake bite to the dick, Tonto. You need to ride the that village we passed through and get the doctor, I can't move!"

Straight away, Tonto runs to his horse, leaps on the saddle and rides like the wind... He arrives at the village an hour later, sweating profusely from the harsh ride over rough country.

He finds the doctor up to his eyes helping a woman in labour, but tells the doctor what happened while the doctor nods sagely.

He instructs Tonto that any snake bite poison must be sucked out and spat on the ground or the victim will die within a few hours...

Once again Tonto leaps on his horse and rides harder and faster back to his old friend who is lying in agony and also sweating profusely, but smiles when he see's his old friend walk up to him and knee beside him.

Lone Ranger asked in a croaky whisper, "What did the doctor say Tonto?"

Tonto kneels in close so his lifelong friend, the Lone Ranger can hear him clearly...

"He say you gonna die Kimosabe!" Laughing Laughing
avatar
Posts : 369
Join date : 2016-11-10
View user profile

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Thu Sep 27, 2018 1:43 pm
Smile Smile Smile

vfc
avatar
Posts : 720
Join date : 2016-11-10
Location : Switzerland
View user profile

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Thu Sep 27, 2018 8:48 pm
Tonto the red Indian didn't what to suck the dick. hehe Good!


avatar
Posts : 137
Join date : 2016-11-12
View user profile

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Fri Sep 28, 2018 8:53 am
Usual intro as above...

Man comes running out, "ive had a brown baby"

his mate says "dont be daft", but the first insists, "i have i have its little arms and legs were moving and everything".

They both go look " you daft twat, you've shit on a frog"
avatar
Posts : 369
Join date : 2016-11-10
View user profile

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Fri Sep 28, 2018 9:46 am
Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

vfc
avatar
Posts : 369
Join date : 2016-11-10
View user profile

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Sat Sep 29, 2018 10:20 am
to keep the chein going (geddit?)...man sees his mates alsation licking its dick...

he says " wish i could do that! "

mate replies..." you can if you want - but i'd give it a pat on the head first- it's vicious!"

vfc
avatar
Posts : 720
Join date : 2016-11-10
Location : Switzerland
View user profile

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Sat Sep 29, 2018 11:50 am
haha good one.

I swear I've seen the only animal that can scratch it's own arse with the horn growing out of it's head (that's what it appeared to be doing anyway. It was an Ibex (wild goat) I saw in the woods in Switzerland.





avatar
Posts : 849
Join date : 2016-11-10
Location : More North than Crix, less North than Norway
View user profile

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Sun Sep 30, 2018 10:13 pm
Paddy & Murphy were on a transatlantic flight aboard a Boeing 747 Jumbo Jet. They were about a third of the way into the flight when the captain made an announcement on the intercom.

"Ladies & gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I need to advise you that, while there is no cause for alarm, we wish to announce that we are going to be 3hrs late arriving at JFK Airport as we have lost power to number 1 engine!"

There is a murmur from the passengers, but the captains tone kept them calm and the mood was relaxed. After all, 3hrs is acceptible.

A good 2hrs later the captains voice comes over the intercom again.

"Ladies & gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I need to advise you that, while there is no cause for alarm, we wish to announce that we are going to be 7hrs late arriving at JFK Airport as we have lost power to number 3 engine! However, to make up for this, the crew will be serving complimentary drinks. Please continue to enjoy your flight."

The passengers exchanged nervous glances, but since the plane felt fine and there was no obvious danger, they accepted the free booze and all was well....for a few hours!

"Ladies & gentlemen, this is your captain speaking again. I now need to advise you that, while there is no cause for alarm, we wish to announce that we are going to be 11hrs late arriving at JFK Airport as we have now lost power to number 4 engine! To make up for this huge delay, the crew will be serving complimentary dinner with drinks and a duty free gift of your choice free of charge. We appologise for this unforseen circumstance. We do hope you understand?!"

By now, some of the passengers were starting to feel not only worried, but also a little pissed off, so Murphy announced in a loud voice to his friend Paddy:

"I hope that last engine doesn't feckin break or we'll be up here all feckin day!" Mad Rolling Eyes Twisted Evil Laughing Laughing Laughing
avatar
Posts : 369
Join date : 2016-11-10
View user profile

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Mon Oct 01, 2018 9:33 am
mogs,

''''I swear I've seen the only animal that can scratch it's own arse with the horn growing out of it's head (that's what it appeared to be doing anyway. It was an Ibex (wild goat) I saw in the woods in Switzerland. ''

there was also the case of the penguin and the HMRC tax inspector...they can both stick thier bills up thier arses!!!

vfc
avatar
Posts : 720
Join date : 2016-11-10
Location : Switzerland
View user profile

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

on Mon Oct 01, 2018 7:52 pm


I'm a penguin lover... hehe one day I was standing in Antarctica, (German cruise 5000 euro per person including flights) hehe I had my ski ware on. White top with some blue, black trousers you know who jumped out of the water right next to me... yeah a penguin.. I guess I thought I was a giant penguin so it was safe.. funny birds.

RE Andi's post.. the navy.. yeah we have a lot of wrecks around the world. The RAF guy stands up... we are proud.. we have never let one up there.. Laughing

Sponsored content

Re: GOOD SAMARITAN?

Back to top
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum